Doctor Who – The Psychic Circus review

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(c) Big Finish

***Contains spoilers***

Big Finish Productions have aimed for the top with this release. A Big Top to be precise!

Doctor Who‘s offbeat clownfest The Greatest Show In The Galaxy hit TV screens at the end of the Eighties. Now three decades on an audio prequel has been released. It’s a sort of rabbit out of the hat for Big Finish, seemingly launched without warning. Not only does it feature original cast members but writer Stephen Wyatt has been persuaded to come back and flesh out events.

Nostalgia is a driving factor behind the company’s output and news of a return to the Psychic Circus had me hook, line and sinker. Sylvester McCoy‘s era was my entry point to Doctor Who at school. It was definitely the weird kid of the Classic Years family. From villains made of sweets (The Happiness Patrol) to the late Ken Dodd being brutally assassinated (Delta and the Bannermen), it wasn’t afraid to go somewhere different.

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Chris Jury as Kingpin (c) BBC

Greatest Show ranked among the best because yes it was peculiar, but Wyatt grounded it in some kind of reality. This was the first time coulrophobia (fear of clowns) played a role in the Doctor’s adventures. The circus and its damaged performers were far out yet at the same time meaty and intriguing. Plus the carnival atmosphere was a good fit for McCoy’s tumbling Time Lord, who got to put on a magic show for a trio of malevolent gods. The story was simple, anarchic and effective.

Satisfying though it was, questions hung in the air after the circus blew up. Fans wanted to know more about how these poor souls wound up caught in a showbiz-fuelled trap. Where did the characters come from? Why was it called the Psychic Circus in the first place? It’s a trick Wyatt is ready to reveal, but does he pull it off…?

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Jessica Martin as Mags & Sylvester McCoy as The Doctor (c) BBC

The Psychic Circus begins with Kingpin (Chris Jury, sounding exactly as he did 30-odd years ago) and Juniper Berry (Anna Brophy) arriving on a planet where fun is outlawed. Coming a cropper in this faceless environment where growing broccoli and building walls are the norm, it isn’t long before they encounter other hippies like themselves.

Meanwhile, the Seventh Doctor (Sylvester McCoy) has his TARDIS invaded by another annoying junk mail robot. This one is faulty and becomes a companion of sorts for part of the story. The Doctor was involved in the Circus’s future. He’s about to become embroiled in its past…

The two strands are connected by some nebulous idea about psychic landscapes that didn’t come together for me. Behind the mental manipulation is of course an old enemy. It would have been a surprise to learn it was the Master (James Dreyfus), only they’ve stuck him on the cover. When the revelation arrives you’re already a few steps ahead.

Kingpin establishes the Psychic Circus and the Doctor does some nosing around (and a fair amount of juggling). That’s the first half – a confusing preamble I thought. Wyatt has created the universe’s blandest planet and then written it perfectly! Quite why we needed to go there I don’t know.

In a genuinely surprising move the writer revisits another story he wrote, Paradise Towers. The prospect of a Stephen Wyatt shared universe type thing was exciting, but in the end it’s just a passing plot point. I had hoped the Great Architect might be connected to Ragnarok in some way – hint hint – but it wasn’t to be.

Whilst birthing the circus turned out to be less interesting than I thought, things get much better once the tent is up and politics comes into play. Yes, circus life isn’t all buckets of glitter and riding elephants. The downfall of the Psychic Circus lay not only in dark forces working behind the scenes, but the consumerist bent imposed on free spirits who just wanted to have a good time.

Wyatt writes a fun dynamic between the peace and love brigade with their “solidarity” (as a Socialist I’m all for that) and the cold hard lure of the spotlight and a fast buck.

He also cleverly boosts the role of fortune teller Morgana (Sioned Jones). If anyone’s going to be significant in a psychic nightmare it’s the person with the crystal ball. It would have been nice to hear from other classic characters. No-one new here measures up to Mags the curveball-throwing werewolf, Captain Cook or Nord. Bellboy the robot maker is mentioned a few times, though doesn’t appear. I wanted to know what he was like before he became so tormented.

The last part of the script relies too much on listeners being familiar with Greatest Show, which in fairness the majority will be. Having the Master so heavily in the mix may come across as fan service but I thought he worked quite well as the lynchpin between the circus and the Gods of Ragnarok… even if I couldn’t quite work out what he was up to.

McCoy is as eccentric as we’ve come to expect, treating many of the lines as a workout for his vocal chords. Jury really took me back and Dreyfus makes an enjoyable addition to the list of Masters. This was the first time I’d heard him as the Doctor’s nemesis and on this evidence I’ll be checking out more.

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Ian Reddington as the Chief Clown (c) BBC

Like many, I really wanted to meet the Chief Clown again and hear about his origins. Ian Reddington played one of the best one shot Doctor Who villains of all time. I guess in a way he’s better left to the imagination but Wyatt does a good job explaining who he used to be. Reddington delivers another intelligent performance and runs away with the tale once again. Big Finish must surely be wanting to bring him back somehow.

Everyone else is decent. Director Samuel Clemens has an impressive pair of multi-taskers in Sioned Jones and Andrew Spooner and though the production didn’t grab me their versatile tones did. Also featured on the release are interviews and an evocative suite from composer Steve Foxon.

Did this match up to The Greatest Show In The Galaxy? Not a chance, though waiting from 1989 to 2020 for a follow up/look back was always going to ramp up expectation to mega levels. Are there more stories to tell about Kingpin’s hippy haven? If Wyatt wanted to take a third trip to Segonax I’d probably shell out for more.

The Psychic Circus keeps enough balls in the air to be worthwhile. It’s certainly not a classic but the 11 year old in me was happy to be back in the ring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twin Peaks: A Lynching Part Two (Strange Skins Digital)

Time has no meaning in Twin Peaks, so the second part of this review concerns the whopping prospect of Parts Five to Eighteen. By the fifth instalment my initial shock at having the series back in the first place had worn off and I’d acclimatized to what I was watching. Most of what I witnessed will have me scratching the old noggin till my dying day but that’s alright – the show is above all a mystery. While David Lynch and Mark Frost were kind enough to throw some answers in our general direction, the overall impression was one of profound frustration. Just like getting to the end of the previous run in fact. That’s the way it’s always been and it made sense that’s what happened this time round.

The best way to analyze fourteen hours or so of Lynch-infused weirdness is to look at the broad sweep, so here goes. When initially announced, The Return was going to be nine episodes. After what appeared to be some behind the scenes wrangling, with the director leaving for a while following arguments over the budget, that number doubled. This creative bump in the road appears to have been responsible for the season’s main weakness: it’s padded heavier than a wall in a busy asylum.

Many of the new characters have arcs that go precisely nowhere, notably the “history repeating itself” narrative of Becky (Amanda Seyfried) and her abusive, drug-crazed beau Steven (Caleb Landry Jones). We’d watched Becky’s mother Shelley (Mädchen Amick) suffer at the hands of the infamous Leo Johnson in the previous century. Then when it was revealed Shelley’s former lover Bobby (Dana Ashbrook) was Becky’s father it seemed an intriguing plotline could be on the cards. Aside from histrionics, it transpired nothing much happened and Steven killed himself in the woods, as if to polish matters off in anticipation of the finale. Even Amick’s association with mystical gangster Red (Balthazar Getty) didn’t get more than a cursory mention. Still, at least we got the unexpected sight of Bobby being a trusted member of the Twin Peaks police force, a distinct contrast to the wayward young man we left in the Nineties. The Return’s juiciest subplot, that of Audrey (Sherilyn Fenn) being stuck in a hallucinatory haze, ended abruptly with no further explanation, though in fairness this was the moment that best evoked the Peaks of old.

These seemingly random elements were what marked the third season apart from its predecessors. Whereas previously Twin Peaks was a conventional soap opera with an artisan approach, it’s since evolved into a Lynchian video installation. There appeared to be little of Frost’s personality in the mix (for that read his novel The Secret History of Twin Peaks). Yet despite this break from the established format, the creators expected viewers to remember things that happened twenty-five years ago. The resolution of the love triangle between Big Ed (Everett McGill), Norma (Peggy Lipton) and Nadine (Wendy Robie) had been a major part of the classic series. In this version we see Ed and Nadine separately and it’s never shown that they’re married until she walks up to him and announces he’s free to marry Norma. A great release for the fans but also a resolution with no build up, and surely one that would leave non-aficionados wondering what the fuss was about.

Lynch is also overly-preoccupied with sensation, inserting at least one thing a week to do with bodily fluids. The protracted appearances of Jay Aaseng’s drooling prisoner, who repeats everyone’s words back to them, was a prime example of this. A repetition of extremes, from vomiting to characters being subjected to cruel ordeals, became almost par for the course and these moments lost their impact as a result.

I mentioned in my previous piece how the mythology of the Black Lodge had been expanded upon in Season 3 and this is one area where the production truly soared. Frost and Lynch introduced the concept of “tulpas” with egg-like skin who took the place of human beings and in Part Eight gave us an atomic-powered look at how Killer Bob came to be and the conception of Laura Palmer to apparently counter this evil presence. The spectacle of this particular episode, which began with Evil Coop being revived by blackened lumberjacks and ended with an amphibious moth crawling into a little girl’s mouth was quite simply one of the most jaw-dropping episodes of TV in years. The writers cleverly gave fans what they wanted with one hand, while adding a whole other layer of ambiguity with the other.

Another aspect I welcomed was the focus on Kyle MacLachlan’s journey from one dimension to the next. Lynch amply provided his friend with not one but three roles to sink his teeth into and former pretty boy MacLachlan rose to the challenge. The “Dougie Jones” plot definitely filled the hours rather than being anything rewarding but Naomi Watts’ excellent performance as Janey-E made it worth the slog. Also introduced in this section were the Mitchum Brothers (Robert Knepper and Jim Belushi). I didn’t see the point in the bimbo-flanked crime bosses at first – the narrative was awash with the underworld anyway. But gradually I warmed to them and they took their place among the ranks of memorable Peaks personalities.

I was surprised that I didn’t refer to Angelo Badalamenti’s music in the first part of this review. However I realized it wasn’t an essential piece of the puzzle in the way it was before. Badalamenti provided a richly-textured muzak for the soap incarnation of the show. Here he scored a different beast. He had his moments, Part Eight being a standout in its mix of the ominous and divine. On the whole his work was overshadowed by the musical showcases at the Roadhouse, which were properly eclectic. Original singer Julee Cruise got short shrift but Chromatics best floated my boat with their electronic dreamscapes.

The finale annoyed me at first. Part Seventeen delivered a reasonably satisfying reunion between Cooper and the gang, by way of a Cockney wearing a gardening glove. Jake Wardle played that difficult role and while he gave it his all I couldn’t quite get my head around this plot device in human form. As for Part Eighteen, well when the credits rolled I felt cheated. Then I started thinking about what I’d seen. By the time I’d mulled it over I kind of loved it. Lynch directed an abstract retread of the Season Two denouement, only this time with our Special Agent being seriously displaced. The low key yet chilling final moments saw him and an alternate Laura trapped not only in another dimension but one not far removed from our own, and all the more dangerous for it.

Twin Peaks: The Return was simultaneously a non event and also the biggest event of the streaming generation. It disappointed and stirred in equal measure. Its audacious visuals and cerebral savagery will perhaps never be replicated. I’d love to have a Season Four, but if this is the last we see of the town I grew to love so much, then so be it. It’s a bonus I never anticipated and I thank Lynch and Frost for making the titanic effort to revisit this extraordinary terrain.

 

This article first appeared in Strange Skins Digital

Twin Peaks: A Lynching Part One (Strange Skins Digital)

The return of Twin Peaks should not be underestimated. Other offerings from the Nineties are back in force, like faded pop stars cashing in with a reunion tour. Peaks was always different. It was network programming with an art house sensibility, cunningly clad in the wardrobe of a Fifties soap opera. Co-created by David Lynch, it brought cinematic production values to the small screen and set a benchmark for the future direction of showrunner-led drama. It certainly lost the plot during its second season, yet remained a different kettle of fish throughout. Or more appropriately a piscine-infused percolator.                                                                                                                                                                                                         I got into the series during my turbulent teens, where its angst-ridden weirdness and distinctive characters struck a deep chord. Many of us assumed we’d never see the “place both wonderful and strange” again. Our hero Special Agent Dale Cooper was trapped in the upholstered netherworld of the Black Lodge and he would seemingly be there forever. Lynch vetoed all attempts to revive the concept. His parting shot,  prequel film Fire Walk With Me, famously opened with a TV set being smashed to fragments. Then came the news no-one ever thought they’d hear: Lynch and writer Mark Frost had re-teamed and the show was opening its portals to viewers a quarter of a century later.

In 1990 I was ready for Twin Peaks, I just hadn’t realized it at that precise moment. The saga quickly gained an inexorable hold on my melting pot of a mind. One of the cleverest things about the show was its deceptive air of cosy familiarity, despite frequent punctuations of shocking content. I looked back fondly at that period and thought I knew what to expect from my favourite programme. Boy was I ever wrong!

To date I’ve watched the first four episodes, cannily released in as big a chunk as Lynch would allow. My reaction to the first hour or so of the double-length opener was one of vague disappointment. It appeared to be a new Lynch project with elements of Peaks in the background. However the deliberately slow pace, combined with a constant undercurrent of menace, kept me interested. If you’ve seen the director’s Lost Highway or Inland Empire then this belated third season gives viewers something similar. The icy and detached atmosphere felt far removed from the little town we know and love. Much of the action takes place elsewhere, in big, anonymous spaces like New York and Las Vegas.

What I and no doubt many others were waiting for was to welcome Agent Cooper back into our lives. Lynch and Frost wisely include him early on in a cryptic sequence featuring the Giant (Carel Struycken, who is a bit shrunken these days) but he disappears after this to be replaced by new characters. These additions – featuring in disparate, Mulholland Drive-style plot strands – are fine, albeit there to act as chess pieces in the grand scheme. Unlike the original series the acting is rather stilted in places. This works well in terms of unsettling the audience but makes it tough to get invested.

As it transpires a few of them are soon out of the picture, most notably Sam (Ben Rosenfield) and Tracey (Madeline Zima), who are pretty much there to strip off and make out in front of a mysterious glass box he’s supposed to be observing. What happens to them is the revival’s first big scare and it certainly delivers. It’s worth mentioning here that Twin Peaks: The Return is much grislier than its predecessor, a quality Lynch blends with the abstract to striking effect.

Episode two gives us a proper reunion with Cooper in the red-curtained realm and promptly aces our expectations, via an absolutely extraordinary chain of bizarre and eerie events. The most surprising thing about this resurrection for me so far is the way Lynch and Frost seek to explain early on aspects that have been the source of rampant speculation for twenty-five years. Peaks was never heavy on exposition, in fact there was virtually none. But I guess they’ve made fans wait long enough – bold moves indicate fresh and exciting directions for the mythology of the Black Lodge.

Put simply, the creators do not mess about. The arrival of a tree with what appears to be a talking brain for a head takes Lynchians firmly back to the days of Eraserhead and its rubberized ghouls. The story then begins to tie in with the journey of Cooper’s doppelgänger, who replaced his likeness in the real world and has been roaming the land causing mayhem since the previous run ended.

There’s a rewarding sense of the strands coming together, which becomes increasingly apparent across episodes three and four. The writers have taken the  intelligent decision to show how the strange goings-on in Twin Peaks affected the country as a whole, before slowly drawing us back to the town for what is presumably going to be a hell of a showdown between the two Coops.

We’ve never known quite what to expect with this show. It’s gotten broader and wilder since we last saw it. The curveballs really do curve. Hopefully the fuller emphasis on arthouse will reap the benefits and Showtime will be happy with their investment. They surely expected it to be challenging, but maybe not this challenging. Still, like the various people who’ve tried to access the Black Lodge over the years, they wanted to get in. And once you’re in, getting out is a whole other matter.

 

This article first appeared in Strange Skins Digital.

‘The Night Manager 2’ & Other Unnecessary Sequels (The Hollywood News)

Richard Roper is locked up. His evil arms business has been shut down and the dashing Night Manager of the title survived with his hair in place and good looks intact. The end of the acclaimed BBC miniseries, based on the book by John Le Carré, brought with it an enormous sense of satisfaction. The story began. It held us enthralled for a few weeks. Then sadly it finished.

Or did it? Director Susanne Bier recently announced that development has begun on a follow-up script. It seems the broadcaster is thinking in terms of a franchise, and I for one am anxious. The original tale was so well told, what good could come from elaborating on it? In this era of binge-watching, it isn’t always the best idea to give viewers a tele-visual trough to gorge from. Surely sometimes one rattling good yarn is enough.

As the BBC head down what may be a disastrous path, let’s take a look at some other great shows that would have been better left as a one-time-only-type deal…

MURDER ONE

The first season of small screen pioneer Steven Bochco’s legal drama stood out from the pack, due to an innovative format which saw the entire run taken up with a juicy murder case. Boasting a charismatic, chrome-domed lead in Daniel Benzali, supported by the likes of Stanley Tucci, Patricia Clarkson and Mary McCormack, the show was a forerunner of today’s tendency to devour a series in one sitting.

Unfortunately low audiences led to some fatal retooling for the second season, starting with the replacement of Benzali and a range of stories that failed to capture the imagination. Anthony LaPaglia tried his best to fill the shiny shoes of his predecessor but it seemed the creative team itself was on trial this time round. The verdict: cancellation.

TRUE DETECTIVE

In an age where TV dramas with big screen production values are commonplace, True Detective managed to plough a mighty furrow. The screen-burning combo of Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson formed the epicenter of an intense and frightening journey into the dark heart of Louisiana, and the mind of a killer. Writer Nic Pizzolatto and director Cary Fukunaga worked exclusively on the whole season, giving it a consistent quality throughout.

However the decision to try and continue the series as an anthology turned out to be a misstep, despite the presences of Rachel McAdams and Colin Farrell. Whilst the new narrative of inner city corruption in California was fertile ground for a crime saga, this second run never attracted the critical acclaim of the first, thanks to a tangled plot and a perceived lack of inspiration on Pizzolatto’s part.

BROADCHURCH

This British drama became a sensation during its first outing, the show’s Scandi Noir-inspired sensibility and slow-burning style reviving the corpse of the murder mystery genre. The revelation of who killed young Danny Latimer was carried on the front of every major newspaper the next day, audiences sharing the horror of stars David Tennant and The Night Manager‘s Olivia Colman. The title town would never be the same again, though the story appeared to come to an end once the crime had been solved. Creator Chris Chibnall had other ideas, announcing his intention to make the series the first in a trilogy.

Upon revisiting the seaside locale, it quickly became clear this strange direction was going to lead to a dead end. The Latimer thread received an unnatural extension, with the killer getting off thanks to the vagaries of the legal system. Meanwhile Chibnall inserted a backstory for Tennant’s abrasive detective in a less than compelling fashion. Series Three has been well-received, but Broadchurch must sadly live with the memory of a misfiring second instalment.

BLOODLINE

What looked on the surface to be yet another overheated family saga turned out to be anything but, as Bloodline took well-worn subject matter and made it soar in every department. The return of black sheep Ben Mendlesohn to the Rayburn fold and his subsequent web of lies and deceit spun toward a devastating Season 1 finale, the events of which were boldly revealed in advance at the end of the very first episode.

The mounting tension, as the Rayburns gradually pieced together what their brother had been up to with the clan’s hotel business, was nail-biting stuff, well-written and acted – set against the backdrop of the sweaty Florida Keys. With this tour-de-force of storytelling concluded, creators Todd A. Kessler, Glenn Kessler and Daniel Zelman opted to try and maintain the momentum, only this time minus Mendlesohn’s masterclass in conflicted villainy. After rave reviews for the first chapter, the reception for Season 2 was decidedly mixed. Why did they even bother?

THE NIGHT MANAGER

One of the most talked-about dramas of recent years, featuring a line up of British talent so hot you could toast a crumpet with it, The Night Manager took John Le Carré’s source novel (adapted by David Farr) and gave it a Bond-esque coat of gloss. In fact so convincing was Tom Hiddleston’s hero, the miniseries sparked strong rumours he was in line to inherit the mantle of 007 from Daniel Craig. This knuckle-gnawing suspense thriller about a hotel employee trying to bring down an international arms dealer (Hugh Laurie’s Richard Roper) had people tuning in by the millions.

Now the makers are attempting an audacious and arguably downright stupid manoeuvre: they are going to try and top one of Le Carré’s best-regarded works with their own sequel. Will Roper emerge from his exile (presuming he lived) to exact vengeance on Hiddleston’s frustratingly telegenic saboteur? Or is the title hunk of the hospitality industry about to further consolidate his status as a Bond in waiting with a whole new adventure, perhaps working undercover at a B & B?

How exactly it will pan out remains to be seen, but the BBC really are dancing on ice in steel-tipped clogs on this one. I enjoyed spending time with The Night Manager, but to be frank I’d rather check out while the going’s good.

 

This feature originally appeared on THN.

“Look man I jumped into it. It may f*cking suck.” Clayne Crawford Talks ‘Lethal Weapon’ (THN 2016)

lwClayne Crawford is going global as well as postal, taking over the role of Martin Riggs from Mel Gibson for Fox’s Lethal Weapon. In this interview I found his views on the small screen take to be refreshingly honest…!

Clayne Crawford: I was spending time with my family on my farm in Alabama when they called. I laughed in their face at the idea of even turning Lethal Weapon into a TV show, I said ‘You need to leave the fucking franchise alone, it’s great and Mel Gibson did such a wonderful job, I want no part of it.’ And that went on for about three weeks before I finally read the script…

In my heart I’m still just a kid, who wants to play cowboys. I love playing dress up, I’m a kid at heart and I love using that platform as a therapy for myself. So when I read a character who was broken and had lost everything and he channelled that through stopping bad guys.. y’know for lack of a better word he saves the day and he’s just this damaged guy, and he’s funny… I thought ‘You know what? Fuck it, if you guys really want me to do this let’s just go and do the best we can and if we fail miserably that’s okay, we’ll go do something else.’

Look man, I jumped into it. It may fucking suck. But I enjoyed the material, and I tried to bring honesty to everything that I did and I tried to forget the original film. I tried to bring Martin Riggs into the twenty-first century and here I am. We’ll see what happens man.

Me: I think a lot of people are looking forward to it.

CC: I think you’re wrong, I don’t think anybody’s fucking looking forward to it. (Laughs) Which is kind of a good thing because they’re going to think it’s such shit, that they’ve set the bar so low we can only succeed, right?

lw-2The most important question is will you be keeping the hair?

(Laughs) I’m going to be a little different than Mel. Part of me agreeing to this was… we all had to shed our preconceived ideas of this relationship between these two men and who Mel Gibson was playing Riggs in 1987. It’s 2016 and he’s quite a different guy. There’s a little bit of a different backstory… look man, I hope Mel’s not pissed off. That’s my hope, that if he watches this thing, if anyone watches this fucking thing, they’ll be entertained, and go on a fun ride for an hour.

 

This interview first appeared on THN.

Flashback Feature: Roger Sterling’s Agencies Of The Future (Mad Men, The Hollywood News, Nov 2014)

MM 1Greetings and salutations. My name is Roger Sterling and I run Sterling Cooper & Partners, a thriving advertising agency in Manhattan. We have one rule – if you can successfully cross the street after a lunch meeting then you’re the man for us (tougher than it sounds folks). You may have read the opinions of my colleague Don Draper about the state of the industry and where we go from here. I like Don. Who doesn’t like Don? If you don’t want to sleep with him you at least want to shake his hand, hope some of that magic rubs off. But he isn’t the only one here with strong views as to the direction our business should be taking. In this feature I intend to highlight key areas of growth that can be capitalized upon to ensure the ad scene becomes a key motivator in peoples’ lives. Not just in a day-to-day capacity but in a way that expands the consciousness of the nation and that one day will eventually challenge the established social hierarchy. Now if you’ll excuse me I just tipped a mohito down my leg.

Sorry about that. Where was I? Ah yes. The future of the modern day advertising agency. What role could a creative organization like Sterling Cooper & Partners play in shaping this great country of ours? Allow me to paint you a picture…

THE MEDIUM & THE MESSAGE

MM 2The President is sitting in the White House. He’s just had yet another meeting with the group of cotton-brained bamboozlers he calls his advisers. The country is in turmoil. There are riots in the streets. He’d call in the troops but they’re busy losing their lives in Vietnam. He has a headache, and who could blame him? What he needs is a message. A means of getting how he’s feeling out to the population that put him where he is. And who’s going to be doing that? You’ve guessed it. An ad agency. If you can sell a can of cream corn you can sure as hell get a man re-elected. Without sounding disrespectful, there’s virtually no difference.

In the future, all world leaders and men of influence will come to outfits like ours to impart their wisdom to the masses. There will be a room beneath the oval office that you can access via an elevator operated by some great-looking chick in a bikini.

Sorry, what was I talking about? That’s right, the advertising bunker! It’ll make the War Room look like my ex’s walk-in closet. The finest minds in the industry will steer the political and cultural trends. I’d say Don would be in that room but he’d probably be President by then.

WOMEN IN OUR INDUSTRY

At Sterling Cooper & Partners we’re proud to be progressive. Our female staff not only take messages and make the coffee. They also write campaigns and eventually stab their mentors in the spine. I like to think of our agency as a model for the path things are going to follow into the next few decades. To illustrate this let’s look at one of our most valued employees. Names aren’t important, but let’s call her Joan…

MM 4Joan not only participates in our light-hearted battles for supremacy, she also has a man working under her! This would be unthinkable at other firms, yet here a squeaky clean opportunist can worm his way into the attentions of a woman who really should know better. But I digress. (Though I would say I get the impression this guy buys his fruit upstate as well as downtown if you catch my drift.  Maybe we’re more socially radical than we’re letting on…)

HEALTH & HAPPINESS

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The biggest factor facing the way we do business is our mental and physical well-being. Creating ads for clients is like trying to share your steak with a hammerhead. Chunks will be taken out of you as well as what’s on the plate. That’s why we grease the wheels with alcohol, try and slow the hungry bastard down a little, but it can’t carry on like this. I may look like the love child of Howard Stark and Lena Horne, but believe it or not I suffered a mighty heart attack once. We’ve got to take the focus off lacquering our livers with liquor and find a more practical solution.

MM 6That’s why in the future all ad men will be fitted with stainless steel organs. Lungs for smoking. Liver for Sterling Cooper’s penthouse-sized drinks cabinet. And a cast iron spleen so I can deal with the ex-wife…

MM 7With these modifications in place there’s nothing an enterprising creative couldn’t do in his pursuit of a deal breaker. And if the eggheads are reading this, there’s a certain part of my anatomy that would benefit from an overhaul.

THE SPAGHETTI FACTOR

MM 8The other afternoon I was sitting on the roof of my building on a particularly hot day. As usual I was naked, I tend to think better that way, and as I placed one of my special orange pills on my tongue I came to a staggering revelation. The sounds of Hell’s Kitchen were drifting on the air. If New York is a kitchen I reasoned, then surely the different boroughs are saucepans. And what does that make us? Yes you’ve guessed it. We are all strands of spaghetti! Like a good bolognese the stuff at the top is rich and delicious but beneath it we’re all tangled together. We need to blend our minds so the strands merge to form something broad and supportive… like a sheet of lasagne! Society will be much better ordered with the sauce distributed evenly between layers. That way everyone gets a better bite at the beef and if you can make it up to the beschamel, well, good luck to you.

MM 9We’ve all got to get together people! Show those bureaucrats with their detachable faces that they don’t run the show. If we could all just strip naked and run into Central Park, using the conduit of the trees to channel our natural energy to create a shockwave that could wipe greed from the streets of the city, there’d be a free and groovy future from which we could all make a healthy profit!

My name is Roger Sterling and I am currently sitting in a pool of my own ingenuity.

This feature first appeared on The Hollywood News and was researched via this Vanity Fair article.

Maigret TV Review

RA MGeorges Simenon‘s vexed detective looks especially baffled in the form of Rowan Atkinson for this handsomely-mounted, curiously misjudged adaptation of Maigret Sets A Trap.

Paris in the Fifties is the setting, under threat from a serial killer targeting women in the night. After several months of investigations top police snooper Maigret is reaching the end of his rope with the authorities. It seems like his reputation will die with the latest victim. This doom-laden introduction, accompanied by an earnest soundtrack throughout, isn’t the best jumping in point. The film feels more like a finale than a debut (another has been made), and would have worked better at a point where you’d gotten to know the characters. Here you’re none the wiser about anything as everyone is so caught up.

Atkinson plays the title role in an otherworldly and preoccupied manner that I’m not sure is intentional. Like many comic actors who take on a straight part he appears to have shut down rather than emote. The director should really have tried to get more out of him. His detached performance isn’t a bad fit for the deductive stuff, but he sorely lacks much of a human dimension in scenes with his wife and colleagues. Perhaps future entries will see him relax a bit.

Simenon’s plot gets interesting at the halfway mark as Maigret determinedly holds onto his prime suspect despite mounting pressure to release him. It would help if you cared, but in fairness to writer Stewart Harcourt and members of the supporting cast (in particular Aidan McCardle) the production does manage a couple of tense sequences.

I would watch the programme again, to see how Atkinson develops and to enjoy the sharp suits and smoke-filled dens of iniquity. On this evidence however I wouldn’t place too much faith in Maigret 2016 cracking the case of this viewer’s loyalty.